Chapter
CHAPTER 1
Who Destroyed My
Abilities?
(First Letter written by the brother of the author)
All people in this world have different talents and skills in their life. These talents and skills are of various types. All of them express their inherent abilities in their life. I also had different innate abilities and talents.
But today I have become useless and worthless. You used to call me with words like ‘stupid and idiot’ in my childhood days. I had many hopes and expectations about me. I had the belief that I could do anything that I wanted. And actually I was able to do anything in my childhood days. I knew that if we have a strong determination, and positive attitude towards the tasks to be accomplished, we can do it easily.
But the experiences I had had from my family are quite opposite. It was extremely pathetic for me. So I felt all my hopes and expectations are in vain. I lost my confidence. And I lost my inner courage.
You told me in your letter:
“Mujeeb had participated in elocution and other competitions on the stage while studying in Madrassa (religious school). So you can still make a good speech,”
Now your words will not work. Although I had the expectation of doing many things, I felt I am useless as you had continuously called me ‘stupid and idiot’. This is my early childhood experience. It was at a time when my thinking faculty started growing.
A woman gave poison-mixed food to Prophet (SA). The Prophet (SA) had suffered the bitterness of this poison even at the time of his death. Like that, I am still suffering the bitterness I had in my childhood. Now, I have no courage to face anything. Fear is always following me. Whenever I start doing something, because of those calls (stupid and other calls), doubts and fear haunts me.
I read in your letter to avoid the thoughts like;
“I can’t do”
“I am useless”
But your continuous call of ‘stupid and idiot’ made me like this.
When I was frequently subjected to hear the call ‘stupid and idiot’, two doubts aroused in my mind.
1. Is it really because I am an idiot and stupid that these people call me like this? Or
2. I am not an idiot or stupid, but I feel so only because they call me so.
I could not understand, for a long time, which one of the above is correct. At last I realized the fact that the second one is correct. I feel I am stupid only because they call me so. I feel I am worthless only because they used to call me so. It is a mistake done by you people.
I had received only rebukes and abuses from my family. I had received no encouragements and appreciations in my childhood days. I don’t mind not getting the encouragements and appreciations. But the addressing of ‘idiot and stupid’ annoyed me very much.
Though I received rejections, fear followed me, lost my confidence, received negative experience from the family; I went forward without caring about the difficulties. And I sacrificed myself much more. At last it became really evident to me that I am not worthless or useless. But I feel so only because other people call me so.
I had extended many helps to you in my childhood days. I used to go for the newspaper*, drew water from the
well* and so on. When you ask me for any help, I felt great distress in my heart, because of the call of your addressing of ‘stupid and idiot’. Though I do all the helps and favour to you, you regarded me as stupid and idiot.
Now I realize very well that all those things happened because of your ignorance at that time. So I have no hate or disgust to you now. But what happened to me made me like this. When I think about it, I feel very sad. I don’t mind now who made me like this, but I think only about what he did. It has caused to destroy an excellent and brilliant future of an individual.
